Getting Used to Goodbyes

The flurry of facebook and email exchanges flowed more smoothly and rapidly than many parts of our cultural exchange at BINUS, the unfortunately-acronymed business school in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Leaving international friends feels different for me. Not only is there the realistic probability that we will not see each other again, but more often than not the friends I'm speaking with aren't used to goodbyes. As someone who loves to travel and has been given the privilege of doing so, I am more used to goodbyes that don't hold the promise of another encounter.

When checking my email after the foreign exchange that same night, I was surprised to see facebook requests and emails from our new friends so soon. Strange! We had just met these kids, clicking with some more than others, but they already eagerly emailed some of us and lamented our upcoming flight from Jakarta. I realized that it had not even crossed my mind to email them, and I did some soul-searching. Was I less interested? Pretentious? Lazy? Preoccupied? I was feeling pretty bad about this stream of self-accusation.

I remembered goodbyes I had said in the U.S. - brief hugs, genuine and smiling. We'll Skype and facebook and email and see you when we get back!

But here in Jakarta, and in other past international goodbyes, those promises of sporadic digital conversation seem like thin threads barely able to hold together a friendship. The chances of my return are, at best, uncertain. Yet with the dozens of eyes on me, as the emcee with the black bouffant hairstyle asked me whether I wanted to return to Jakarta, I caved and said yes, yes, of course, if I'm in Southeast Asia it'll be right up there on my list.

I don't wish to have such light feelings at goodbyes. But at the same time, crying every single time I say goodbye would be exhausting, especially after knowing them so briefly.

Is it a necessary adaptation to get used to goodbyes? Or is it a callous on the meaning of friendship?